Holiday Stress in Foster Children
Strategies for Helping The Foster Child Cope with the Holidays
It can be difficult to know what to do, but there are several steps you can take to help a foster or adopted child deal with their mixed emotions this time of year.
For most of us the holiday season is full of joy, family, and tradition. However, every year an estimated 513,000 children in the U.S. will spend it in foster care, according to Foster Club.
Lots of Emotions
Unfortunately, for a child in foster care, or for an older adopted child, the holidays bring about feelings of loss, separation, and grief. This is especially true when the child is old enough to have memories from past seasons. “Children who were removed from their birth families due to abuse, neglect, or substance abuse may associate the holidays with traumatic times,” explains Lois Melina in the article, Holidays Can Bring Up Lots of Emotions. “Rather than approaching them with a sense of joyful anticipation, these children may unconsciously associate holidays with disappointment or violence.”
Tips for Helping Them Cope
There are steps you can take to help a child cope with the stresses of the holidays:
- Recognize that what the child is feeling is perfectly normal given the situation. Let him know that you understand and that it is alright to feel the way he does.
- Allow the child to talk about it on her terms – resist the temptation to push her into talking about her feelings or the past, but do not try to avoid it either. If the child has a caseworker, discuss the possibility of getting him into counseling to help him work through his emotions.
- Identify with them. Tell them about a time that you felt as they do. Most of us have experienced a year when our holiday was met with the loss of a loved one or other significant event. Identifying helps the child not feel so isolated in his grief, and may help him to open up to you.
- Get them involved in outside activities. Play dates, sports, holiday activities, volunteering – all help to ward off the sense of sadness that is a common thread for foster and older adopted children this time of year. Keep them active but do keep things balanced. The holiday season tends to lend itself to busyness so use common sense to keep things in check.
- Find ways to incorporate traditions that the birth family participated in that the child can remember. Learn along side the child about her native customs if she is culturally different from the rest of your family. By doing this you give the child a sense of pride and self-worth, and, who knows, you may gain a new family tradition!
You Can Make a Difference
Whether you are a foster parent, an adoptive parent, or know a child who is struggling with the holiday season, you can use these tips to reach out to her and make the holiday a little brighter. You can make a difference!
For ideas to keep them busy during the holidays: Activity Ideas for Foster Children.
For more tips, Foster Club has a guide for young people in foster care entitled, Getting Through the Holidays, developed by young people who know first-hand what it’s like.
