What Seasoned Foster Parents Know
Techniques for Effectively Parenting Foster Children
Successful foster parents know that caring for a foster child is hard work; however, they have also learned some important skills that make life much easier.
When a child enters foster care, he often brings with him much more than his clothing. The child often carries with him many emotions, such as: guilt, fear, anger, and grief. Add to that mix: behavior problems, trauma from past maltreatment, and possible medical conditions, and it’s easy to see why foster parents suffer high burn-out rates.
There are many techniques that foster parents can employ to make life less stressful on them, and aid in ensuring successful outcomes for the foster children they care for.
Basic Needs
The first thing foster parents must do is meet the basic needs of the foster child: food, clothing, shelter, love, and security. A foster child needs to be assured that his or her needs will be met consistently. One way to teach this concept is to write out a basic schedule of meal times, bed times, and so forth, and post where the child can see it. Go over the schedule with him, using pictures in place of words for younger children, such as: a picture of a bed for bed time, food for meal times, a school house for school.
While on the topic of schedules, a consistent routine for a foster child is imperative. A routine provides security and stability, and it also curbs many bad behaviors because the child knows exactly when he will eat, when bed time is, when homework is to be done, and so on. A busy child (within reason) is a child that has little time to act out.
Don’t forget to let him know that he is important, loved, and secure. These are not usually thought of as basic needs; however, a foster child will only thrive if these three things are in constant supply.
Family Rules, Boundaries, and Routines
Every family needs rules and boundaries. For a foster child, especially in the beginning, the rules need to be simple and easy to achieve. Expect bad habits for a while. The child may slurp at the dinner table, belch in public, or use foul language. Understand that the child wasn’t likely taught manners, and probably frequently heard cursing and slang.
Display the family rules in a prominent area of the home and go through them, explaining as necessary, with the child. Then, as behaviors arise, concentrate on the most troublesome conduct first (hurting others, stealing, tantrums) and save the fine-tuning for later. Foster children didn’t learn these behaviors overnight, so don’t expect perfectionism any time soon.
Abundant praise and the use of rewards for appropriate conduct go a long way in encouraging good behavior. Further, when discipline is in order, redirection and natural consequences are quite effective and easy to administer, regardless of the child’s age or maturity level.
Additional Tips for Effective Foster Parenting
- Take the time to train the child. Most children have learned proper manners and conduct from birth onward; however, most foster children have never consistently been taught these necessary social skills. Start from where they are skill-wise, not where they should be age-wise. The same goes with other skills, such as: grooming habits, chores, and so on.
- Be active in school or daycare. Volunteer, set up a time to eat lunch with the child, go to school plays and parent/ teacher conferences.
- Be involved in the court case. Write updates to the judge, attend court proceedings, and be at case plan meetings and therapy appointments.
- Always behave in a professional manner with the other members of the foster care team, as well as with the biological family.
- Never make cutting remarks about the child’s biological parents.
- Don’t sabotage reintegration efforts.
- Always treat the foster child with care and respect, as well as with the utmost concern for his or her well-being.
- Don’t give up!
The key to effective foster parenting lies in accepting the foster child regardless of the condition they arrive in, understanding how the foster care system works, and determining to make a difference- one child at a time. A good dose of endurance and determination doesn’t hurt either.
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